12/30/10

I am WAY behind on blogging because Christmas is a busy time for mommies!  Yes, I swallowed my pride and went to Friday speed practice.  In all, I have been to two adult skate nights and two speed practices.  I can briefly summarize as follows: humiliating, humiliating, humiliating, humiliating.  Let me clarify a previous statement.  Speed skating looks easy but it is actually very very VERY hard. 

After talking to the other skaters and watching my kids’ progress, I think it’s going to take me a year before I’m halfway decent.  I’m not particularly prideful, but sucking for a year is a big commitment.  On the bright side, John the Thurmonator said that since I’m a woman, the other skaters will be a lot more patient with me.  Yay!!  I’m not a feminist:  I like it when men open doors for me, and I really like it when men carry stuff for me.  If being a woman buys some tolerance of my suckiness, that’s just fine.

Everyone on the speed team has been SUPER supportive, patient, kind, etc. of my endeavor into their world.  Still, this is REALLY going to be a test of my resolve.  I'm not giving up, but I understand why people do.

12/11/10

On Saturdays, Texas Speed Team practices at Playland Skate Center at 8:30am.  AM.  On Saturdays.  L  What’s with these early morning times and skating people?  At the meets, check-in time is usually at 5:30am.  AM!  WTF?  Anyhoo...  Al Tinsley, who caught me “skating” last night, glides over to me and asks where my skates are.  I explain it’s a secret, I need time to figure out how to skate, etc.  Al promptly skates over to Coach Sonny Felter, and lets him know that I have skates stashed away somewhere.  Wait…  I don’t know how to skate yet...

Sonny is a legendary skate coach and barks at me “you better have those skates on at Friday practice!”  There’s something about the way Sonny speaks, with that coach voice, that makes you just do whatever he says.

12/10/10 ~ Take the skates out of the house

John Thurmon offered to give me pointers during session skate after Friday practice.  John T is a super nice guy, but he’s also a *BAD ASS* skater, and I’m dreading making a fool of myself in front of him.  John T is widely known in the skating community, is especially feared by the outdoor skaters, and even skated with Debbie Rice for almost 10 years.  In other words, John giving skating pointers to me is the equivalent of an Olympic athlete teaching someone to do a somersault.  Seems like he’d have better things to do…

John has a super funny story of skating with Debbie in the Athens to Atlanta Road Skate event.  Debbie “sat on,” or drafted off of, John while setting her record time in this prestigious outdoor race.  If it were the Tour De France, Debbie is Lance and John is that poor nameless team member who Lance drafts off of for 99% of the race, until right before the finish line.  For those of you who have seen John T, I’m sure you agree that he looks like he’d be fun to draft off of.  J

Lucky for me, John’s expectations are really low so he was impressed that I could even stand up on the skates.  I have been attending practice with my daughter for more than six months and I have been watching intently, studying technique, and picking up pointers.  Having said that, the single most important tidbit I gathered was while watching session skate with John recently.  He pointed at a guy and said: If that guy would just relax, he’d skate a lot better.  That advice is so true, I am relaxed, focused and determined.  I wouldn't say I'm quite "skating" yet.  I putter around slowly with John, and after about a 1/2 lap I turn to him and ask "when do I get my nice ass?"  All in all, I was on the floor for almost an hour and a half ~ puttering around slowly but still, I'm out there.

I had purposely waited to crack open my skate bag until after the other speed skaters left practice.  My plan is to give myself a couple of months at session skate and at home, to get used to having these things on my feet, and gain balance and confidence.  However, one of the other speed skaters, Al Tinsley, came back to pick up his son and saw me skating around.  Surely Al can keep the secret.

12/8/10 ~ Skates are hard

Thought for the day: speed skates are hard.  They are hard to put on, even harder to get off, and while they’re on, they are simply hard.  I’m sure there is a reason for this, since Bont skates are what all the pros use.  But wouldn’t it be nicer to feel like your feet are cocooned in marshmallows?  I think I will add this to my LONG list of patent ideas:  “Marshmallow Brand Speed Skate Inserts.”

Side note: I come up with patent ideas all the time.  My husband, Dr. James, actually has a handful of patents that are both hard to pronounce, and have no practical application.  My patent ideas, on the other hand, have broad appeal and I think would make us rich.  James strongly disagrees and to date, has not helped me patent anything.  My patent ideas include, and I can’t give too many away: a motorized widget to turn my hanging plants.  Or: an attic fan powered by a solar panel.  They actually have that last one, but I did think of it on my own.

12/7/10 ~ Skates are here!

I see an ominous yet cool looking blue box by my front door this afternoon.  First of all, that was NOT five days.  Ok, maybe it was.  Secondly, I prayed to God for a weather related disaster somewhere between China and Austin to delay my skates, but to no avail.  (Yes, Made in China.  Note: Bont is NOT an American company so it’s not like any American jobs are lost by the manufacture being in China)  There’s no turning back, I purposely told several people for peer pressure purposes, and it’s working.  I ask myself, What Would Debbie Rice Do?

She would put the skates on and skate, that’s what!  So I put the skates together and put them on.  I have a new determination and focus, and standing up and scooting around is not as hard as it was before.  By the way, or BTW as the kids say, I’m making dinner.  Short story short, several near-disasters were somehow magically averted.  I was able to get boiling water from the range to the sink without pouring it on my daughter, who’s always underfoot; I carried breakable plates to the table; and I carried drinks ~ all while wearing my new Bont Jet skates.  J

I had the skates on for a couple of hours tonight, and no, I have not yet left the house.  My goal is to first get used to having these things on my feet.   Second step = leaving the house. 

12/3/10 ~ I didn't say I skated

I forwarded my blog entries to my pal Debbie Rice hoping to impress her, because she’s a *ROCK STAR SPEED SKATER*. And I probably won’t impress her with my skating, so maybe I can impress her with my blog.  J  She seems amused and says “might I ask, where did you skate for 10 minutes if you didn't leave the house???”  This is a reasonable question coming from Debbie who has been skating as long as I can remember, like 30+ years, and who could probably win another world title while skating backward.  I re-read my sentence and I never said I skated, I said it was a terrifying 10 minutes. 

Luckily when I put the skates on a few days ago, I was on the carpet.  One lesson I have learned from skaters is that if you feel unstable, crouch down.  I therefore spent the first couple of minutes in what can only be described as a barely upright fetal position.  I then take a deep breath, reach up, grab the kitchen counter, and stand up.  Wow, it never really occurred to me how weak my ankles are!  They are wobbling side to side and my skates are wobbling back and forth.  All together this is a confusing feeling.  I tenderly scoot along then onto the kitchen tile floor.  BIG mistake!  The wobbly side to side and back and forth motions are now multiplied by like 1000%.  My kids are laughing and pointing.  My 7-year old daughter tries to hold my hand to help.  I’m terrified I’m going to fall and crush her so I bark “DON’T TOUCH ME!”  I manage to get from one end of the kitchen to the other, while holding on to the counter, and decide that’s enough for my first day.  Surely this won’t be so hard when I have my own skates, and hopefully they are on back-order and I have like 2 months to mentally prepare.  While I’m writing this, Debbie emails me the fedex tracking number for my skates and they will be here in 5 days.
:(

12/2/10 ~ At least this is going to be funny

I decide at least this is going to be funny, and I should write a blog about my progress.  Still high from my self-appointed title of Best Newcomer Blogger about Speed Skating, I show my husband my first three paragraphs / entries.  First he says: you must have a lot of time on your hands if you’re writing a blog.  Well no actually I don’t.  I’m a self-employed CPA and it’s year-end, I have 2 elementary age kids and related kid activities to manage, I’m a housewife with a workaholic husband therefore I have to do everything around here, we are repairing an entire home damaged in a fire while living in a crappy rent house, Christmas is coming up / presents need to be bought / Christmas card family photo is not taken, then William’s birthday.  Good point: I should be spending my time elsewhere...  Did I mention I think this is going to be funny?  So I ask if he thinks I’m off to a good start.  He asks “for blogging or for skating?”

Terror is setting in, but if I write about it, it will happen.  Hopefully.

Let me show you what I mean:

12/1/10 ~ Trial run

Still high from my self-appointed title of Future Best Newcomer Speed Skater, I slip into my son William’s Bont skates.  Did I mention, for all practical purposes, I have NEVER really skated?  I have puttered around the local rink with the creaky rental quad skates, SLOWLY, but I have never put a pair of Bont speed skates on my feet.  Short story short, it was the most terrifying 10 minutes I’ve had in a LONG time, and I didn’t even leave the house.  And those muscles that run along the outside of my shin are sore.  After 10 minutes. Uh Oh….  Seriously what am I thinking?!?

11/30/10 ~ Order up some cool speed skates!

I send a Facebook message to my pal Debbie Rice.  And by “pal” I mean we attended the same Jr High and High School, but didn’t really know each other, and now we are “friends” on Facebook.  Debbie is a *ROCK STAR* in the speed skating world.  She holds numerous world records, world titles, and is even in the Guinness Book of World Records.  Debbie is a Bont rep and can get me some cool skates for my new endeavor.  Bont is THE brand of skate that all the cool speed skaters have.  And they are pricey.  Lucky for me there are some skates on closeout.  Even on closeout this is a serious investment of a handful of $100s.  But hey, skating looks so easy!  So I finalize the deal, she places the order, and I put the check in the mail.

11/29/10 ~ Speed Skating Looks Easy!!

So, my daughter Kylie is 7 years old and she is a really awesome lil speed skater.  I’m talking roller blade speed skating, not ice speed skating.  I tell people it’s like Apollo Ono, but on roller blades.  Last weekend, she had her second race/meet in Waco and let me tell you, it’s FUN to watch speed skating races.  First of all, it looks so easy!  It’s like running but without the effort, and really fast.  Everyone steps onto the floor and zoom, they are skating around.  Secondly, and this is important, skaters have nice asses!  Mommy (me) needs a nice booty, so to the horror of both my kids, I decide I can do this.